at the start.

well. i can't believe this. i had all my thoughts summed up on this matter and then i accidentally clicked one of those fucking adds on the side of the facebook page and lost the whole thing. i suppose this is why i shouldn't write my notes in facebook.

these thoughts will no longer be anywhere near as poignant as originally intended, but i'll try my best to replicate.

it's unfortunate that i'm always the most inspired when i'm in a bad mood, cause it makes me come off as a lot more miserable than i am. i'm not a miserable person. at least not anymore.

but the past few days i have been a little down, and it's gotten me thinking about a lot of things. and really what i've noticed is the majority of times, no feeling is ever as good as the first time you are entering into something new. something that really turns out to be great. the feeling you get when you are first involving yourself or familiarizing yourself with something is just such an amazing experience to look back on, but it's frustrating cause you don't ever know when these feelings are happening and there's no way to get them back.

what do i mean? like the first time you hear a great album. or when you first move into a new place. or when you first meet a new person you really grow to care about.

these feelings could last a day or two, or they could last a lot longer. they could last up until something changes your perspective or changes the relationship you have with such thing. it's like when you first meet a new girl. really hitting it off and the whole getting-to-know-each-other, happy with each other's company original feelings are amazing. until that first fight or something, then it all changes and it's tough to ever get that original momentum back.

that leads to problems, at least for me. it's hard not to dwell on times where things were great, new, exciting, whatever. but it's not like you can hop in a delorean and time travel back to them. oh how i wish.

so what's the sense in all this? i have no idea. i'm sure it has something to do with a "savor the moment" mentality, but can you really? you never know when something is going to turn out to be great. you don't know going into your first listen that the album you have is going to be amazing, hell it could be terrible. the girl could be a bitch. you can't see the future so it's tough to savor a feeling if you don't know when it's going on.

as i type this i can't help but think of a line from big d's song "safe haven." maybe the best way to go about all of this is not to be too uptight, enjoy every positive moment you have and simply "relax, slow down, take a breath, and breathe."

currently listening to:
noah and the whale--peaceful the world lays me down (specifically "second lover")
motion city soundtrack--my dinosaur life
weezer--pinkerton
the rentals--return of the rentals.