life, karma, and the death of pessimism

when conan o'brien went off the air, i really took his final remarks to heart. yeah, it may sound stupid, but the guy got choked up and what he said really effected me.

"nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. i'm telling you....amazing things will happen."

now i've taken this and i've tried to apply it to my own life but for the longest time i would doubt it. i've always been a pessimist, and when i would see the worst people in the world just constantly succeed, i would doubt conan's thoughts on the issue. but maybe he's right. and the idea of "karma" didn't just come out of thin air. it came from somewhere. so, while trying to maintain my positivity, i widened view of the world. the scumbags get theirs. look at all the political scandals right now. congressman massa is only the latest of a slue of scumbag politicians finally getting what was coming to them. elliot spitzer, rod blagojevich, governor patterson, the list goes on. tiger woods, another example. these people weren't kind people, they were terrible people. with the exception of tiger woods, odds are the others lied and cheated their way to the top, and now they are getting what they deserved.

karma is a legitimate thing and i'm believing in it more and more the more i look for it. another example, my current place of employment. i've vowed to make it the last corporation i ever work for. the home depot, i suppose it's high-end retail. but regardless, there are a lot of great people who work there as normal associates. many are kids like me, many have other jobs, many are retired. a lot of the managers....lazy, incompetent, and unintentionally unsympathetic. these people's lot in life as an assistant manager of a retail store is proof of what conan o'brien said. they didn't work hard, they weren't kind, they were lazy, and they got what they worked for.

now i looked to see how far i could apply this, and i've been meaning to write something about my great grandma who's been battling cancer for over a year, and maybe this is the time to do it. but a curve ball was thrown my way last week when my aunt died unexpectedly. i instantly thought this had something to do with all this. she was young, i believe 39. she was over-weight, she wasn't the nicest person to be around, and she seemed to have ruined my uncle and detached him from the family. we never saw them, not even on christmas. once, maybe twice a year tops, and they only lived 10 minutes away. it's sad, it really is. and maybe karma did have something to do with it, but i can't speak ill on her, because it isn't fair that she left behind a husband who truly loved her and two kids who were still in high school. that's way too young to lose a parent, regardless of the circumstances. i went into the funeral unemotional but felt being there was the right thing to do, but seeing that family cry their eyes out at the church was tough for me to watch. i tried to talk to the younger boy, but seeing i don't know him at all, it was tough. but, to tie a running theme, all i told him was to stay positive, be a good person, and life will get better. of course, easier said than done. i know from experience.

now back to my great-grandmother. she was diagnosed a while back, and at one point she was in the ER. she wasn't supposed to make it out of last year. she wasn't supposed to make it through summer. a month ago i went and visited her and the news i was hearing made me feel it would be the last time i ever see her. what do you say to someone when it might be the last time you see them? well, according to her, "i guess no one can live forever." it's hard to have that kind of an optimistic sense of humor in her situation. but with her memory fading and her motor skills suffering, she still is one of the most kind people i've ever met. and i think that's why she's exceed so many of the doctors timetables. it's pretty crazy.

so it's time to bury my pessimism 6 feet down. at least most of it. i think it'll always be impossible to get rid of it completely. but optimism is working out, i like being happy. you can't ignore the bad things in the world, you need to still address them or nothing will get done, but there's a lot in life you can change by having a better outlook. karma is something that can be a good motivator. i am nowhere near the best person i know. i feel i have all the potential to be if i wanted to. and i definitely get mine when i deserve it for being a bad person, and i think everyone will sooner or later (i'm looking at my father on this one, just hopefully it won't be too serious, just enough that he realizes his own personality flaws).

so here's to life. lets all try and go out of our way once in a while to be there for people. i mean, the other day i bought the guy asking for change outside wilson farms a bag of chips (unfortunately he was gone by the time i came back out). but hey! it's the thought that counts.


currently listening: brad paisley, noah and the whale, new alk3

coming soon: against me! -- white crosses. a review in the style of the one i did for daisy