fireworks.

the 4th of july has always been one of my favorite holidays. now it's no news that i'm not very patriotic, so the reason is very much more about me having a lot of really great memories from this holiday. and that's what holidays are supposed to be, right? making memories with people you love.

fireworks to me are kind of dumb. a lot of money for very little pay off over a very short time period. but, a professional display is something i've always enjoyed. as a little kid, you always want to see fireworks, it's such a cool thing. it's like an explosion you pretend happens every time you beat up all the bad guys and save the day when you and your cousin are playing. but it's an explosion in the sky that can take your breathe away as a little kid.

it's the kind of reaction that i imagine parents live for. that's probably why after my parents got divorced, my mom would drive around in the old blue beat up pickup she had until we got to a high point somewhere with a good view so i could see them. we didn't have anywhere to go, we were in a rough spot as a family, but she still wanted me to have fun. so there we sat atop a hill in eden where we could see the lake and see fireworks, parked in that old truck.

few years later, we're on a boat in lake erie watching the fireworks display in dunkirk. my step-dad's dad, on the top of the boat dancing just to get a reaction out of the kids. and there's me all upset that they won't let me up there without a life jacket.

it's so hard to see how fast time flies.

the past handful of 4th's have all been sunset bay-located. but before that, there were plenty of little kid-version's of me and my cousins playing with sparklers in my grandma's back yard by the pond.

lately it's been different. it's been drinking, it's been partying, it's been hanging with friends, hell, it's even been playing in a band at a party in sunset (that was a good one). it's the spontaneity of it that's been so enjoyable.

maybe i've just been in an exceptionally cynical mood lately or maybe it's because we're getting older, my cousin's getting married, i'm not as adventurous or outgoing as i used to be, or family issues, or whatever. but this year i settled for the quieter approach. sure, yesterday i had my share of fun, but tonight i was okay sitting in the sand outside my grandma's cottage watching the fireworks all down the bay. it just brought back all these memories and it was both very peaceful and very lonely. having someone to sit with would have been nice, but solitude's good for the soul.

time goes by too quick. it's amazing how quickly things can change from one year to the next. this time last year i was on a kayak with my cousin and his soon-to-be-fiance watching the fireworks all over the lake, completely at peace with everything except my lost sunglasses. this year, it's a lot different. i'd like some peace.

-jc

currently listening to:

noah and the whale -- mary

archers of loaf -- chumming the ocean

brand new -- play crack the sky